I was having a chit chat with my sis-in-law through email and what I said sounded so much like a Blog I decided to copy and paste. Sorry Ila, nothing in here is from you to me, promise!! lol But since you're the ONLY person that reads these I'm sure it wouldn't matter. haha

I was doing some thinking about why I haven't had any kids yet. I haven't even been prego once. Not a miscarriage, nothing. And this is what I thought of.

My babies are waiting on something. I'm sure of it. And I'm so close. I've been waiting for 6 years. Things like my bad finances, lack of a proper place to live (with enough room for babies that don't pay rent), and my enormous desire to do right with my future family (I've wished on stars and into wells and blew dandelions since I was old enough to know what wishing was, on this topic) my lack of a true desire to actually do something about my health and finally the rocky relationship between me and Shawn have all conspired against me.

They're all falling into place now. Its been a long time but I'm nearly almost finally ready to admit that I'll be a good mother and have a good home for my babies. Maybe they'll think so too and make their arrival soon. Maybe I'll be prego or already a mother this time next year. Maybe not yet. I'll be patient. I'm just so scared that I'll not be ready when they do come to me. I'll put off making something right and they'll get here and it'll be worse for them because of it. I dread that.

But I paid off another bill this month. I'm doing so good so far. And me and Shawn are thinking about making our marriage official again. So... I'm not being lazy by no means.

My parents are really perfect. I want to be just like them in the way I raise my kids. They did it so well. All their kids came out great (yes even Tony with his messed up attitude). There are so many specific things I see with nearly every other person I know, that I think was just wrong in the parenting dept. I want so much better for my kids and I have detailed ideas about that subject. Not just pretty words that everyone says cause it sounds good.

Today I got tapromotion. I'm now a Geek Squad Stealth agent. Before I was just a Mission Controller. You would tell me you have a problem. I tell you who can fix it and how much it costs to do so. NOW I can call myself an official agent (though I already did before for simplistic reasons  - to keep my greeting short). Now I'm level 1 Tech Support. Level 2 are the guys that come out to the house or do Covert Operations (remote support through your Internet connection). Then, I think, Level 3 are the super agents (totally geeky high tech guys that have USB dead bolts on their front doors and stuff http://www.engadget.com/2008/10/24/usb-authenticated-deadbolt-lock-promises-to-only-let-geeks-pass/ ) and Deputy Field Marshals (bosses that are Uber smart guys).

Speaking of pregnancies.....

http://www.everythingusb.com/pteq-usb-pregnancy-test-14515.html

So anyhow... Yeah I can now give some basic troubleshooting for free to clients that are in need. I am also going to have a jump on the other guys when pace setter positions come up. Because that's a supe (supervisor) job and the peons will be coming to me for questions and since I have stealth under my belt I'll know the answers... Looks good on the resume and all that.

I'm excited.