Death

My father in law passed away Sunday morning the 10th. He was found face down in his kitchen and had been there for about 4-5 hours. His mother (Mimi) found him when she decided to come and check on him. He had a massive heart attack. He had been living there for 20-30 years or something to that effect. (I think he was the original owner of the house.)

Jesse did not take care of himself through his life. There was multiple lifestyle choices that were in bad taste. Substances especially. But I won't go into much detail as that would be talking ill about the dead. Needless to say he died to young. His mother is more then 20 years older and looks better.

The funeral was on Wednesday. It was nice and bland. Jesse was raised baptist but never attended church on a regular basis. The minister said a few things, and I must give him this at least; he interviewed a couple of Jesse's relatives in order to customize his script some.

Anyways, this man served in the Army and was in Germany and other places during the second WW. I don't know the whole story, as Jesse never talked about his time in the services, but he was married for a brief time (or not; I'm not sure) and had a son who was born with duel citizenship. Andy (36) will now be moving to the states. I hear he tried before but couldn't get along enough with a certain person to settle down here.

Jesse owned his house. There is no debt there to settle now that he's gone however there are a few other debts that are owed. Shawn and Andy get half of the estate (or just the house. There's not been any clarification on that just yet.) But Jesse's brother and executor decided at the last minute to hold off talking to Shawn about anything important while I was around. And I'm sorry about everyone else's feelings and sensibilities, but this is the true reason I'm writing this blog. Yes ladies and gents, its all about me.

For nearly a decade I have been bustin my ass trying to fit in with Shawn's family. I will be the first to admit that my own is very strange. We don't have delicate egos and such. Its hard to offend us like it is with most people nowadays. We're not PC like society dictates we should be. If something's up, we'll say it. Its your choice to be offended or not. I choose not to be offended in most cases.

I also ask Shawn ALL THE FREAKIN TIME what his family thinks of me. I care about fitting in with the people in his life. I choose to be a part of him. I understand that there are people you have to be gentle with. I understand I'm suppose to play all nice and suck up to certain people if I want to get ahead in this world. I don't want to piss off the wrong people. I also wish I could have the type of relationship my mom has with her in-laws.

Her family was replaced with my Dad's basically. She's an integral part of the Taylor clan, and they wouldn't be the same without her. My mom has a close relationship with her mother in law, separate from my Dad. My mom feels that she can talk to Grandma like a friend or daughter would, with the sense that Grandma actually wants to listen instead of placating mom and putting up with her because of the relationship with her son. If Dad were to die Mom would still carry the relationship on with Grandma, and her siblings in law. And the family would want to continue to know Mom.

In 8 years I have never gotten a phone call or an email from Shawn's family without there being some other motive. Either they really wanted to talk to Shawn but called my number instead, or I initiated the conversation myself. No one has taken that one step to talk to just me simply because I'm here. Of course I would be very hesitant to talk to anyone anyways simply because I don't know if I can trust them with my stuff. I can't just ask them to be loyal to me like that. So maybe the relationship will never be anything more then superficial anyway.

With that said, I understand where I fall in the scheme of things now with Jesse's side of the family. I have been painted as the controlling bitch that Shawn should never have dated. Know what they claim as their proof? Not the long detailed conversations we have (because there is none). Its not the fact that they have tried to get to know me beyond what I think the weather is like (because they haven't).

We were having lunch before the viewing Tuesday and one of Shawn's cousins were talking about remodeling his house. (He's almost done with that and I really do wish him the best of luck in his endeavors. I'm happy that someone found a little peace in this world.) I mentioned that my Dad has been talking about deeding us kids a section each of his land. I didn't understand exactly how that was going to work at the time (now I understand that either he'll sell it to us but more then likely the plots will end up being part of our own inheritance) so I said something about my desire to build a home, and own my own space, kick renting to the curb.

Guess how they took that, and I should have seen it coming a mile away. Of course I couldn't trust anyone to automatically be on my side simply because I'm a good person and never meant harm. No, I'm the gold digger now. I want Shawn's inheritance for myself and I'll get him to build me a house with it, stay long enough to claim it for myself and kick him out on his ass. Of COURSE that's what I want to do. I mean, doesn't everybody?

It doesn't matter that I've been through all kinds of crap with him for 8 years. It doesn't matter that I've practically raised him myself through the last of his maturing ages. It doesn't matter that I keep him out of a hell of a lot of rebellious trouble. It doesn't matter to anyone that the only ammo they have been able to collect against me over all these years is my comments about building a home, Jesse's interesting and clever method of keeping his door shut in a sudden pinch of need, my inability to strip the country out of me (I supposedly eat with no manners), and my mistakes of the past involving my debt.

By the way it was precious Shawn that didn't work while we were married and required me to support him on a part time job. We put our groceries on credit cards and paid cash for freaking PS2 games that I never wanted. My bad. So sorry I couldn't reign him in at such an early age. I'm also sorry that regardless of what my divorce decree says about splitting the bills evenly, I took all of the bills on my shoulders alone and got both of us out of 20 something thousand dollars in debt. It wasn't until the very end of that time frame that Shawn finally began pitching in a few dollars to help.

All they have is a couple of comments that I said at the wrong times. So sorry. I always felt a little animosity from these people. I always understood that I wasn't welcomed in the truest sense of the word. I was only tolerated. That's fine because guess what? I'll still be here long after you go. I'm younger then all of you. I will still have the last word. Boo-ya!

I must say. When Shawn told me officially that Mimi doesn't like me, I instantly felt hot behind my face and neck. I wasn't mad. No. I had spent years trying so hard to be the docile good girl in the face of such an obvious Queen Bee that the first emotion I felt was shame. I felt so shameful for wanting to build a house with Shawn's inheritance. I only felt that finally we can be normal members of society, and pay property tax and home owners insurance. I was so thrilled that we would no longer have to pay a mortgage or rent, for the rest of our lives. I could own my home in full before I'm 30 and I have a great guy to share it with. That was my greatest sin. And I felt shameful for it. It wasn't until an hour later when were were in the shower that I could feel anything else and that's when I became angry.

How DARE you! I'm so much better then that. I am not the ugly dripping red paint in this picture. I'm colored in pastels that stay within the lines. I have dedicated my entire existence to being the person that everyone should strive to be. I want to be Christ like. 100 percent of my choices in life are made based on a religious attitude. I'm not here on this planet living this life for fun. I'm here with a purpose, and that's to learn everything I can, including how to be a good person. I'm here only because this is the step I need to take before I can take the next one. I'm here because there is no break in the eternal work. I won't get to play my harp and float on a cloud. I need to be ready for the work waiting for me on the other side. I need to understand things and how they work. I don't have time to piss you off. I'm to busy not smoking or drinking my body face down in the kitchen. I'm to busy learning about science and mechanics, and politics. I'm to busy planning my life so that I can be as wealthy as you are, so that I can be Queen Bee one of these days for my kids. I want to leave a better world behind for my family. I want to give them what they're going to need because the current way of life will come crashing down on their heads.

My God has said that being is debt is kind of sort of a bad thing. Guess what. I believe him. I've been in debt for 6 years now. It sucks. Not only do I have people hounding me and such for what I owe them, but I hate feeling like I can't step up to the plate.

My real idols are my parents, and that's not just a line. Everyone says "mom or dad" when asked the question. I can tell you with conviction who my heroes are and exactly why. They are the most fair and honest, compassionate people I know. They would give you the proverbial shirt if it would help you succeed. Then guess what?! They'd be rich again in a month, no sweat, ready for the next charity case to come their way. They're always ready. And you know how? Proper money management, and outstanding knowledge on topics that matter. Everything my dad touches turns to gold. And its not luck I can tell you that.

Also they are infinitely fair. I will always know, without a doubt, how my parents are going to react. They have the same honesty, and consistency as they always have had, and always will be. They don't change their mind to suit their desires. They do what's right instead of what's right for them. They have never asked their kids for money. Did you know that? Do you know how many parents ask money from the kids? I think its horrendously wrong. It fills me with disgust and literal bile when I hear a kid is having to take care of a dead beat parent. Its not natural and its not fair. And my parents have never asked me do to that. What's more is they have never HAD to ask me. They make choices that prevent them from having to ask me.

So I am offended for once at something someone else has said of me. I'm not looking for your approval anymore. Shawn is still on my side of this, and agrees with me. That's all that matters to me. If he were to leave me however, that's ok. I've left him once too. More then once. I've been through a freaking divorce already. If it were to happen again I would pick up and move on. (And everything would be split fairly. The land would be mine, shawn's money would be returned to him and the rest of the value would be split down the center.) No hard feelings. I will have already forgiven him. I have already forgiven you.

I am only here to say that you had no right. You should make sure there's a reason for your attitude before jumping to such outlandish conclusions in a relationship you have never taken the time to understand.

I wish you no ill will. I hope your remaining days are full of happiness. There is so little of it left in the world. I will be happy regardless of my status in your world Queen Bee. Dominate your hive well, like only you can. Life is so fleeting.

TXU Complaint

I hate my electric provider. And I'm not the only one. They are also one of the companies with the highest complaint numbers in the area. I get my info from www.Powertochoose.com I also have googled the issues and low and behold HUNDREDS of stories come up about other issues that sound very much like my own.

Here's the gist.

I moved to Haris County in April. My power wasn't actually switched over until May 1st and my meter is read on the 21st. So, my May bill is only 21 days long. June and July are full months.

At first I was going to be charged a deposit. We couldn't afford the deposit and my hubby and I were planning on paying it off in 2 or three installments. The power company wasn't going to officially allow us to do this but as long as we made a payment things would be ok. We were ok with paying late fees at first for the cenveinance.

LOOOOOONG story short and a few payments later we are told that we were never charged a deposit and our bill for May is 400 dollars because we used 2800 kwh. That is DOUBLE what we have EVER used in the past and that month wasn't even complete on the bill. The VERY next month we only used 1400 kwh.

Now we do keep the air down cold. We like it that way and we'll pay the higher usage. No problem. But nothing has changed from then till now. NOTHING and the bill is THAT much different?

I have been on the phone with TXU for HOURS just holding for the most part. The few times I have actually spoken to people they do nothing but read me a script. They don't listen to anything I have to say.

Last week I talked to 3 different gentlemen (3 because the phone kept disconnecting) trying to set up a payment arraingment for the over 800 dollars I owe the company (remeber 400 of that is for 21 days only). I was told I can do that. I just started a job and would be getting my first check on the 1st of Aug (2 days ago) and I made sure that they all knew that. They said it would be fine to start the payment arraingement.

NOW I talk to them and no, I was never allowed that option to begin with and my power will be shut off Monday if I don't give them nearly 500 dollars now. Plus since this was over the weekend I may still get my power shut off anyway. And I will have to pay them gobs of money to get it back on. Regardless of the fact that its just a few clicks in a computer to get my dissconnect notice stopped. All they have to do is take my address of thier roster and the driver will never come out here. But on Saturday they say there's nothing they can do but hope.

WTF?!!!

I will be changing companies very soon before this becomes a bigger problem in the future.