I am beautiful inside. I don't like my outward looks but I'm changing that. Let me explain further.

And I would be OK with my looks if it was healthy but it's not. I feel old because I'm over weight. I can't do something things that I should be able to do.

I don't want to change for men but my thoughts are inevitable.
Thoughts: If i do change (for me) how would guys treat me different? I have an idea. But I won't say it out loud, here, in this email.

I have decided I'm doing it for my health. Mainly. But I do have other not so important reasons. I'll loose weight for the same reason girls wear makeup. To live up to the image a guy wants to believe in. It's my duty to look good for another guy. I wouldn't want him to go unwashed and uncologned... He wouldn't want me to be over weight.

It's not a bad thing. None of these thoughts are depressing to me. Just a fact of life and that's ok with me. Guys are hard wired like they are for a reason. It goes back to adaptation. Survival of the fittest. Etc etc...ya know guys like boobs and butts... And girls like muscles and broad shoulders. We bear the children and breast feed so its important for us to have equipment suitable for that purpose. Guys hunt (figuratively speaking) and protect the families. They need to be strong and healthy and intimidating. How the world works.

The skinny part. I don't know... unless the mind just KNOWS that its unhealthy to be fat and so produces desires based on what would be the safest longest living body type. I will live a shorter life if I'm fat... Maybe a guys mind is just trained to like what will give him the longest time with his love. Hmm... Philosophy. Fun stuff.

Then when a guy and a girl marries and they change in looks with age. They already love each other to much (hypothetically) to worry about the looks anymore. The reasons for staying together change. Hopefully the guy or the girl doesn't stay stuck in the superficial world of looks past aging... cause they won't be the same beautiful that they were... Perhaps a different beautiful. A "mature beautiful". Like a big old tree is beautiful compared to the little baby skinny thing (which is cute).

What do you think? Agree or disagree? Are these the words that properly explain things for the purpose of saying it ou loud?